bonjour, je m'appelle kieran (all the french i know)
okay well on the 1st march its self harm awareness day, were people who support, or who have overcome, or who are still struggling with self harm come together and draw a butterfly on their arm, the word 'love' or wear an orange ribbon. i am no longer ashamed by my scars, because in the long run it has been around eight months and every urge i've had i've fought, and my life has calmed down drastically and my family are aware of my SH, and they help.
on my tumblr i saw 'the 30 day self harm challenge' and i dont have time for the 30 day part so mine is the 30 question self harm challenge. here i go
1. How long have you been self harming? Discuss why you started.
i started in year 8, and now im year 11, so i'll say 3 1/2years, with big gaps in between, i started because i was severly bullied and have been coming to terms with being gay, which lead to me having depression and me getting amxiety attacks. but like i said above i am so very much better than i was.
2. What part of your body is most affected by it?
my right arm has a 2inch scar and my thighs are pretty scarred but at one point my legs and torso, were literally covered in cuts.
3. What is your motivation to recover?
steady life, a calmness that i didnt have, acceptance, i mean when i was in year 8, chavs and homophobes were rife, and now those people have calmed down and have made their apologies, i mean its hard to think of those times, considering how i used to be, but just life i so much better now.
4. Do you consider yourself "addicted"? why or why not?
not anymore, but around year 9 yes i got into a steady self harm pattern, which i broke because my best friend made me. i owe my life to her
5. What part of self harm do you dislike the most?
the stereotyping and prejudiced, because i hated admitting it because so many people hate what it is because they dont understand, and well to be honest i saw my friend struggle so hard and sink so deep i was scared i would end up abandoned like him
6. What about it do you enjoy?
hahahh, what a silly question, i don't enjoy it, the part that made it so useful, and addictive was that it offers momentary relief from a deeper, physiological pain
7. List 10 activities that help you calm down.
-eating (not the best)
-gossiping and general bitching
8. What the most supportive thing anyone has said to you about self harm?
stop doing it, its dangerous, and im scared for you. (it really hit home)
9. Have you ever taken pictures of your wounds? Discuss.
yes, but not for self satisfication, my best friend cared she wanted to know how far i would go, so she wanted to see but since they were on my leg, i would have had to drop my pants, we dont have that close a friendship, so pictures were the best way
10. How do you feel about your scars?
i used to be ashamed of them all, but now, i'm in a very weird way, proud of them they offer me a sign that time changes, and i will grow, and that i got so much stronger than my demons
11. Strangest place (home, park, etc) you've ever injured yourself?
i dont like this question, but probably my mentors office, while he was teaching. nuff said
12. Where do you keep your 'tools'? (Your room, in a box, disposed of them?)
in my pencil case, haha, i used to use a double headed compass, now they are only used for map reading in geography
13. What is the biggest realization about self harm you've had?
i am not alone, and my experience is not going to be unique, but to have a story, is to be one of the select who have survived
14. Is there anyone you consider to be an inspiration in your recovery?
Jade, my best friend, my true love, my saviour
matthew mitcham, an Olympic diver, who has self harmed, and he is a world champion, and so inspiring, also hes gay so it is easier to aspire to be like him
and so many more but im only gonna name those two
15. Do you visit any websites about self harm? If so, what are they?
for a psychology paper, i did a self harm information guide, so i did my research but for personal use no never.
16. What advice would you give to someone about self harm?
break the cycle, cause once in that repeated pattern of self harm, it is very hard to break, and so many good people have lost their lives to it. dont rely on it, it can only help for a little while.
17. Do you know anyone else who injures themselves?
yes, a friend who is out of the woods now, but we all worry for her.
18. Write a letter to the future (recovered) you.
the future is now.
Look at you! Still going strong! That's an amazing accomplishment! I always knew you could do it. i knew you would never go back to it. You kicked depression's arse so hard it has disappeared, I'm super happy for you! I know it has been very tough, but tell me: its been worth it, hasn't it?
I don't know what you are doing right now. You might be working on your first professional stage, trying to get those high notes to be sparkling. Or you might trying to write a play that actually flows well. That would be awesome.
I'm proud of you.
19. List 5 reasons that recovery is worth it.
x I'm only 16 now. I have pretty much all my life left to live. Why would I want to throw all that away?
x I really want to make my dreams come true and for that, I need to stick around a little longer.
x Being able to be myself again, and not give a fuck about the haters in the world
x my family and friends need me, and i know with self harm still being around i wont be strong enough
x To prove my self that i am so much stronger than this demon
20. What is the most vivid memory you have of self harm.
having the 2 inch cut still fresh and not being able to write with out my blazer covering it.
21. Have you tried to stop in the past? What are you doing differently this time?
so many times. and i have stopped. i'm just growing up
22. Where do you feel the most calm?
on the stage
23. What is your favorite inspirational quote?
I'm a survivor - a living example of what people can go through and survive. - Elizabeth Taylor
24. What are some of your main triggers? Why?
silence - allows me time to think, and linger on darkness
tiny irritating noises - drives me insane
holding my compass - does it need explaining
paramore - such a very long story
25. Do you know any statistics about self harm?
Self harm normally happens to young adults and presents itself to an age range of 15-22 year olds, however the most alarming fact is that this age range is dropping and it is becoming even more common to hear of SH being as young as 9, and at the opposite end of the spectrum it is not unlikely to her of it happening in people who are 60 years or older
26. What is something that makes you the most happy?
being complimented, sounds vain, but it gives me a positive image boost something i don't naturally have, i'm very self defeating, so when i do a show and i hear that i am an amazing singer i just cant help but smile.
27. Discuss any and all progress you have made.
i don't cut anymore. done
28. What short-term goals do you have?
to pass my exams
29. Do you follow any self-harm blogs?
no, i feel i am through with self harm, except for helping those who need it that is the purpose of these questions for me they're to get closure
30. Post your favorite picture of yourself and write a positive message to look back on
okay, time heals all wounds, it also makes new problems, but dont let self harm be the cure to all your problems because soon it becomes the biggest problem of all[link]
here's a link to the picture, i solemnly swear it isn't a virus.